


My Honour (Mother, Maiden, Warrior)

by Zarabeth22



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Episode: s08e02 A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms, F/M, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:47:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21903955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zarabeth22/pseuds/Zarabeth22
Summary: Jaime's thoughts between knighting Brienne and the start of the battle. Technically canon compliant, but I am definitely envisioning the aftermath of the battle as completely different to the show. Jaime and Brienne absolutely get their happy ending, they just haven't gotten there yet.
Relationships: Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth
Comments: 4
Kudos: 38
Collections: Oathkeepers Secret Santa 2019





	My Honour (Mother, Maiden, Warrior)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CelticPixie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CelticPixie/gifts).



Brienne rose and stood before him. As pure and as noble a warrior as the Seven Kingdoms had ever known. As she had been long before she'd met him. Yet now the brilliance within her, that he'd long known was there, that he'd seen rare shards of, breaking through her untouchable surface, piercing the darkness of the world and lighting his way, was overflowing as he'd never seen it before. Blinding as the sun and gentle as the moon, she glowed in the firelight, and he knew that for once everyone in the room could see her exactly as he saw. A knight of the Seven Kingdoms.

He felt lighting tracing his skin, piercing him to his core warming him from the inside out, as though he were in the very presence of the Warrior. He desperately wanted to fall to his knees himself and swear her his sword, his life, his heart. But he knew that this wasn't the time or the place for his feelings, this was something purer than that. Here was something historic, the first lady knight. Songs would be sung about this for centuries, as long as there was anyone left to sing them. But more than that, this was about giving Brienne what she deserved, what she had earned through her life of upholding the ideals of knighthood better than any man living. 

It was like the click of a key sliding into place, like the scales which weigh all deeds had shifted definitively to the balance of justice. And Jaime knew, with a certainty he'd never in his life known before, that by any moral measure he'd done something truly good. 

Jaime was pulled out of his reverie by a series of sharp sounds, he turned to his right to see that the Wildling had started to applaud. He, and the others in the room, her squire, his brother, and the onion knight, who had moments ago been faceless witnesses to Brienne's glory, resolved back to reality in Jaime's eyes. Jaime took a moment to collect himself as he put his sword away and heard his brother give a toast, 

"Ser Brienne of Tarth, Knight of the Seven Kingdoms!" 

Jaime turned back to Brienne, and catching her eyes again, felt the full magnitude of what had passed between them. His heart fluttered, vital and vulnerable as a newborn lamb. 

He nodded and swiftly stepped away before he could do or say anything to soil this moment for her. The tears of pride gleaming in her eyes were more precious to him than any Lannister gold, and he savoured the thought that he'd put them there. He remembered the honour he'd felt when he'd first risen as a knight, the deep and solemn joy, and saw it mirrored in Brienne's tearful smile.

Jaime retrieved his drink and stood by his chair until Brienne sat back down. His breath stuttered in his chest, he was acutely aware that he had unthinkingly shifted his chair a little closer to hers. Brienne seemed at once dangerously close and impossibly distant. He half hoped she hadn't noticed, that she wouldn't read anything into it, but she almost seemed as aware of him as he was of her, stealing quick glances at him, as unable as he was to maintain eye contact for more than a moment, but unwilling to entirely look away from him either. Jaime's mind stuttered and stammered, waterfalling over itself in rapid circles, clumsily repeating questions like a green squire practicing some new and intricate footwork. What was Brienne thinking? Did she know how he felt? Did she… _could_ she feel the same?

Overwhelmed as he was, he was relieved when the quiet was interrupted by Tyrion asking the Wildling a question, drawing his attention, evidently having noticed neither he nor Brienne were quite ready to be pulled back into conversation with anyone else. He found himself staring at Brienne's hands until he realised that the fact that they were resting in her lap had drawn his eye and his mind elsewhere. Almost violently, he shifted his focus to the fireplace, determined to get himself under control.

"Thank you" she said quietly. No one else could have heard her over the crackling of the fire and the muted music of their own resumed conversation. "I suppose it doesn't mean much to you, one last kindness on the edge of battle, in the face of our deaths, but it is an honour to be knighted by you." 

" _Doesn't mean…?_ " Jaime's words failed him. He turned to face her, helplessly leaning toward her, as though seeing the light in his eyes, feeling the heat of his body would help her understand him, "Brienne that was no _kindness_ , you deserved to be knighted! I wasn't acting out of-" 

"I know!" she interrupted, perhaps a little more vehemently than she'd intended. She flushed pink, then continued more quietly "I know you wouldn't knight someone lightly. I know what the vows mean to you, you wouldn't… you wouldn't knight someone who didn't deserve it. That's why I'm honoured. I only _meant_ … thank you." her faltering voice grew stronger, "I want you to know how much this means to me. I'll keep the vows you charged me with till my last breath, I won't dishonour you."

Somewhere in the back of his mind Jaime caught Brienne stumbling over her words, and wondered what it was she wasn't saying, but the larger part of him was preoccupied with the thought of her last breath, how soon it must surely come, and-

"I know you are won't. You couldn't. I've never knighted anyone before, I never thought I would. After everything I've seen and _done,_ I never thought there could be anyone who could be what a knight ought to be anymore. I thought the world too broken for that, for anyone to care, and try, and keep trying, and _survive,_ believing and trying and caring. You showed me differently. Whether we die here tonight, or you live for a hundred years, you'll keep your vows. You're a true knight, Brienne. You always have been, from first to last. And it has been my greatest honour to know you."

"Ser Jaime…" her voice was soft, scarcely more than a breath, as if she hadn't meant to speak at all. Her eyes were overfull of tears again, and as she blinked they escaped onto her warm cheeks. Jaime's hand ached to reach out and dry them, but he held himself back. 

"It's the truth"

Brienne looked away from him and her expression shifted suddenly, Jaime turned to see what had caught her eye and found Podrick watching them with concern. Brienne gave a reassuring half smile, no longer the overcome maiden, but more a proud mother. Of course she wouldn't want Podrick worrying over her. Brienne might try to hide it, with the sternness of her looks or the rarity of her praise, but she cared for the boy, and valued his opinion. Jaime had seen how she'd looked to Podrick earlier, when she had thought him japing with her, and had only stood to be knighted at the boy's encouraging nod. Jaime found himself uncomfortably wondering what the squire thought of him and his association with his lady knight. He had been truly loyal to Tyrion, Jaime knew, but that didn't mean he had an especial love for any other Lannisters. 

Jaime sat up straight and locked eyes with the boy. _I won't hurt her,_ he tried to convey, _I'll protect her till the last._

Whatever Podrick saw in Jaime's face seemed to satisfy him, and with one last glance at Brienne, who had recovered admirably, and was as much in control of herself as ever, he turned his attention to the Wildling, and the outlandish tale he was now regaling the others with. 

The next few hours passed easily enough, everyone in the room had stories to tell. And when everyone had seemingly run out of words Tyrion had prodded a song out of his former squire. But to Jaime the time felt both interminably long and terrifyingly short. The battle to come would decide the fates of not just those in the castle, but the entire world. And the longer they waited the darker his thoughts grew. Jaime would have given his remaining hand to see Brienne safely away from here, if he hadn't known that her honour would never permit it, and that her sword might well mean the difference between victory and defeat. He had not knighted Brienne for nothing. He trusted her to hold her own against any mortal opponent, but the wight he had seen in Kings Landing haunted him. Its withered, grasping hands clawing aimlessly even as they were severed. _I won't let that happen to her._ he swore to himself. _I won't see her die. I won't let her see the lad harmed either._

Almost as if his resolution had been what the night was waiting for, the horns sounded, signalling the approach of the enemy. Everyone jumped to their feet as though the warm, almost sleepy atmosphere of the hall had been doused in a bucket of iced water. As drunk as he'd seemed a moment ago, Tyrion was clear eyed as he swept out the door first. Ser Davos followed, and then the Wildling, who despite spending all evening making a fool of himself trying to ingratiate himself to Brienne, had an expression serious and deadly now the time had come as he rushed out to fight with his people. 

Scarce a moment had passed and he, Brienne and Podrick were the only ones in the room. They moved as one toward the door. _Wait_ Jaime thought desperately, and he heard his voice speak without his permission. 

"Ser Brienne, a moment please" 

Brienne stopped. Podrick looked to her for instruction. 

"Go on ahead Pod, we'll join you." 

Jaime felt Brienne's curious eyes on him as he watched Podrick leave. He kept his eyes low as he turned to her and heard her small gasp as he took her hand in his. He couldn't help but to caress it gently with his thumb, noting absently its shape, its calluses. There wasn't much time, and so he forced himself to find the strength to look into her always astonishing eyes. He fiercely wished he could kiss her, but he couldn't. Not now. Not when the coming battle would require all of her focus, when one distraction might easily mean death. He couldn't burden Brienne with his whole heart. But there was no way he would go to his death without giving her something of him. He took a breath. 

"My Lady, I told you earlier that it has been my honour to know you, that it will be my honour to fight at your command. It _was_ my honour, in truth, that drove me to come here to Winterfell. The honour that you awoke in me, that you reminded me of. If there is one thing I must say to you it is this, that I am truly grateful to you." he raised their joined hands and kissed her long fingers, memorising the feel of her skin under his lips and silently blessing her sword hand, praying that it would serve her well.

Jaime looked back up just in time to see a whirlwind of emotion tamped down and hidden behind a warrior's mask. Brienne nodded. 

"We need to go" 

Without removing her hand from his, Brienne led them out into the unknown


End file.
